How can I help you...?

Only a few years ago, I was a die-hard shopaholic who would succumb to the new arrivals on the rack and went crazy on my plastic, ended up accumulating so much that I could have opened my own shop selling the best of the bests. The concept of ageing was never in my consciousness, believing that I would remain to be the gorgeous 20 something forever, looking great even in rags. Gosh was that narcissism or what was I thinking at the time??? 

After my decision to change career in my mid 40s and took the courage (which never seems to run out), never mind the time, effort and investment to become a certified Personal Stylist trained with one of the bests in the UK a couple of years ago do I realize that I have been wearing all the wrong colours and styles and that ageing is a hard reality of life which I slowly learn to accept and deal with, with grace.

I was browsing in one of my favourite shops in town the other day and couldn't get my eyes off a top, a longish tunic with denim splits on the sides at a reasonable price point. Unfortunately the big bold words crocheted on the front seemed a bit childish and pretentious, which doesn't agree well to my age and my personality. Shame. I must confess my taste on what I put on my body, including head gear, jewellery, accessories, bags and shoes have changed drastically since the first day of my training as I learn so much about wearing the right colours, finding and expressing my authentic self through my unique styles, how to make my wardrobe manageable and well-coordinated, and the way I shop has dramatically changed for the better, saving me all the time and money purchasing garments I tend to forget about the minute I get home. (Gail, thanks for having me at your course!) The transformation has been almost instant and life changing to a large extent, considering my addiction to shopping was serious enough to get me into mountains of debt.

I am a real person, with a real body which is far from perfect so what looks stunning on a mannequin doesn't translate well to a rectangle body shape with a protruding tum. Having evolved myself over time physically and intellectually, I am now more aware of what I wish to express to the world and becoming more confident in the way I present myself through what I choose to buy and wear. Being stylish and well dressed (looking put-together) has never been in the forefront of my mind until recently when I started getting compliments about the outfits and my asethetics which are so motivating and encouraging for both myself and my clients (and you the readers!)

Teaching English has been rewarding and satisfying when I see improvements of my students; who  have become so much more confident in their everyday life knowing that they have acquired a high level of English proficiency which they are proud of. Similarly, it is my mission to help women to discover who they really are (without the official personality tests) and how to express that through their personal colours and styles so that they too can look beautiful and feel great at all times, which inevitably brings about the confidence which was drown out by the negativity and pessimistic outlook of life in the ageing process (and many other reasons too). So I am like a doctor (a consultant) who mends your broken spirit (without the drugs) while providing you the education and advice pertaining to your individual style and personality and the symptoms of recovery is a surge of confidence, acceptance of your own flawed body and the increasing number of candles on your upcoming birthdays and a celebration of beautiful and stylish women around you for who they are. My business and my blogs are just a couple of the many avenues to reach out and influence you to discover your own style (which is an attitude really), to retrieve your  confidence and to empower you with tips to stay current and simply gorgeous.

To a better version of your self,

Rosa

www.style-proud.com

Learn about yourself through clothing...

You might be surprised that a lot of women do not possess a full-length mirror at home and if they happen to have one, they hardly check themselves in the mirror before leaving the house. I used to avoid the reflection in the mirror at all costs, as I loathed what I saw, considering my out of shape body a physicality somehow handicapped through ageing. Yes, I had a negative body image which I was fully aware of and it's best not having to think about it, which inadvertently brought about a bout of depression.

My training to become an image consultant has totally changed the way I see myself and my body. I began to examine my body through the lens of clothing. Instead of focusing on the messages in the world of fashion about what women my age can and cannot wear, I reach for the wealth of information that clothing offers to me about my body, its relationship to the clothing I choose to wear. I give myself the permission to experiment with clothes, and I learn what feels good to wear and what feels like a struggle. I learn to consider my specific figure in terms of how it works with and against clothes instead of considering it as it compares to BMI charts or the bodies of supermodels. 

It is a fact that we all have a body as long as we are alive so it only makes sense to make peace with it. It is our decision how we want to dress or look, and learning about its shape and features can help us express some of our essence to the outer world. Shopping is no longer a pain in the butt once you become intimate with your body and hone your personal style. When I began exploring fashion and style through my training, I came to respect my body which is integral to my identity. Only when I start to dress in a way that make me look amazing and feel amazing do I finally stop hating my body. 

The consultations that I run is all about choosing what you love about your figure and want to highlight, as well as about understanding your physical challenges and the aspects you would rather minimise or downplay. The traditional standards of style are the foundation on which individuality is built. As I slowly pick myself up from the treadmill of 'less than' or inadequacy, I stop wasting my precious energy feeding the body image beast. I am now so much more confident in the way I present myself, being in friendly terms with my body which was once an enemy.

How OLD are you?

Have you checked out all those blogs rampantly posted by senior style icons lately? There is a growing movement among the mature fashionistas who are embracing older beauty. Each of these women own her signature style, they are tech savvy and above all, stylish and authentic. I can't help but admire their boldness and playfulness, refusing to be ignored and remained invisible in the mainstream media while addressing 'ageism' from a whole new perspective.

Who says style and beauty are exclusive to only the young? And how do you define someone being 'young' anyway? It is all relative! Age is an attitude and style has no expiration date affixed to it. The term 'age-appropriateness' is just a convenient way of saying that women of a certain age should not be wearing certain styles because they are too old to be sexy, and that there is presumably a need to cover up their sagging bodies. A girl in her 20s who doesn't know her body and how to dress, follows trend and happy to be a sheep in the herd is no better than a mannequin without a sense of self-worth, whereas a woman can age in a way that is totally graceful, cool and beautiful. She knows who she is and is not afraid to show her essence to the world, expressing herself in wearing fashion her unique way with confidence.

What is it about ageing to be scared of? Well, the culprit is what we as a society has built around ageing which is mostly negative stereotyping prejudices, not dissimilar to those surrounding racism or gender inequality. Check out the classified section in the paper and you will see job ads that want to hire a 'recent college graduate' or a 'digital native', implying that older people need not apply. This is discrimination at its peak. The overuse of adjectives such as 'adorable' and 'cute' on older people is simply disrespectful. And what is so funny about older people having / not having sex (anyone for privacy?)and having episodes of hot flashes (which is a part of natural progression) and being tech illiterate (it's a matter of choice and individual interests in how deep you wish to be involved with the latest gadgets)? 

No one likes being patronised but the tone of voice we use on an older person could sound demeaning. Ignoring the older patient in favour of speaking to the adult child in company is absolutely humiliating. Similarly the choice of vocabulary to describe an older person could be downright hurtful especially with terms like 'old bag', 'crone', and 'broad'. 

If you pay any attention to the various media, women over 50 are now being chosen and celebrated for major ad campaigns, on TV and in movies. They are proofs that there is absolutely no reason why older women can't look fabulous and contemporary. The population of people over 50 is on the rise and it is only wise to acknowledge the reality and support the 'senior' who are dominating the human population big time. I remember when I was in my early 20s that the idea of becoming an old bag at the age of 30 was not going to happen to me. I could have never prepared myself for that. Now that I am in my mid forties, I am considered young by those who are in their 60s , with the energy befitting a teenager. 

Beauty is no longer about hormones and the number of candles on the birthday cake, it is about who the person really is. Nothing else matters.

How to declutter your pad?

Hi everyone,

I am back after a LONG break from my Newsletter 'Simple Living & Lifestyle Musings', which I shall have them transferred to this site soon. Having been through a helluva roller coaster ride since our last encounter, I decided to share my fresh perspectives on the subject of simplicity and minimalism once again, starting today, here in this blog with better content and I invite you to join me on this journey of a mindful life of experience. 

As we are 9 days into the new year (yes already!), and Spring cleaning is approaching at full speed, I'd like to quickly touch on the topic of decluttering your home, suggesting ways to make your pad clutter-free without much drama. Are you ready?

Rather than tackling your home in one go (which is not realistically possible), give yourself a time frame (say 15-30 minutes a day) or deal with just one area at a time. Start with the easiest and maybe the smallest zone to build momentum. As you go through the clutter, have a trash bag or carton box handy where you can ruthlessly dump items which you haven't used or remember having. You can always go back afterwards for reviewing (which I don't recommend) as these items could be donated or given away. I don't advocate throwing away items which end up at the landfill and I do believe whatever you trash could be someone else's treasure. Make sure you find a place for each item you decided to keep during the process of decluttering and that you return the item to its place every time you finish with it.

I am a bit of a freak when it comes to organising and tidiness. I like clean surfaces and knowing where everything is which is totally do-able when you make a habit of it. As I don't get that many snail mail except for promotional leaflets and catalogues, I have almost unsubscribed everything to reduce paper waste and getting my inbox to zero email at the end of the day is so so satisfying. Instead of cleaning the pots and pans after meals, I do it while waiting for the food to be cooked. Another way to beat procrastination is to finish small jobs as you encounter them throughout the day. Take the trash out when the bin is full, put your laundry into the washer, wipe your dining table and kitchen top after meals. Put your extra shampoo and moisturiser in the cabinet instead of leaving them on the shower caddy. (I don't recommend buying toiletries in bulk in the first place but then again it is hard to resist the temptation of a discounted bundle or items on sale).

Personally, 'a place for everything and everything in its place' is my mantra to stay organised. Let me know what you do to maintain a clutter-free home!

Clouds of Sils Maria

The ageing cycle begins the second we draw our first breath out of the mother's womb. The promise of ageing, illness and death is already set in motion whether we like it or not. We grow, change, and evolve constantly without paying much attention to the process and in the blink of an eye, decades flew by and we no longer enjoy looking into the mirror, seeing a stranger looming in the reflection who is no longer attractive and pretty, at least nothing like what we remember the way we were in our prime years.

I watched the DVD 'Clouds of Sils Maria' the other day and I couldn't help but resonated with the protagonist Maria Enders played by Juliette Binoche. Asked to play a role in a play which brought her fame 20 years ago, only in a character as a much older woman, Maria came to face head on her gremlin, an unsettling reflection of herself as the boss who ended up killing herself in the play. I can see myself as Maria, reluctant to accept the harsh reality of life, a torment which is only too much to bear especially when a much younger actress was chosen to play her old role as the alluring young girl in juxtaposition.

Why is it so heartbreaking to accept ageing which is part of the natural landscape of life? People have been trying to 'preserve' themselves with botox and plastic surgery, fighting against the onslaught of this ugly predicament so called ageing. The beauty industry has never been more prolific when million of dollars are raked from those who refuse to look 'less than', believing that there is indeed a secret to the fountain of youth if they are willing to pay. It has taken me years to make peace with my ageing mind and body. And that is totally liberating!

Fighting against ageing is just futile. Get real. Time is marching forward regardless. We don't think the same way we did 20 years ago as we are now much wiser and know better. The machine which we called our bodies are wearing out at different pace and no amount of exercise or quality food is going to reverse or stop that process of declining. Yet it is not true that life goes out at 40 or 50 and beyond, as long as you make adjustments and make new choices. Instead of showing off everything only being youthful can offer, I can now look at myself in the unforgiving mirror and be proud of myself for who I am,  expressing my values, personality and point of view without a care. It is a presence larger than life and it is ageless. 

There is no point picking on ourselves, digging up old wounds and comparing ourselves to false ideals (which are never true in the first place). My suggestion is to honor yourself for becoming the woman you are at this point in time. This is probably the best age-defying mechanism you can get (and for free too). 

You are what you wear: Christina Dean at TEDxHKBU

Are you suffering from Decision Fatigue?

I was going through my wardrobe the other day trying to squeeze a slot for my new purchase when I decided to take a good look at what is lurking in there and to remind myself what not to buy in the near future. I don't like repeats and I always regret bringing home something I thought doesn't exist in my tiny universe but end up coming to terms with something similar hanging in there with the price tag intact. Could this be the beginning of Alzheimer? Anyway, I sort them into 2 piles: the casual and the going out piles. Then for each pile, I make a note of the colours and types of clothings I have and find out what colours of my seasons are missing in black and white. I suggest everyone with a wardrobe take inventory every 3 months to avoid impulse purchases or duplications.

As you would have known if you follow my posts, I am diagnosed with diabetes which means a large part of my days are spent on meal planning, portion control, counting carbs and of course shopping at supermarkets. I understand I have limited energy so I'd rather invest my brain cells on creating and adapting to my new diet and lifestyle than trying to work out what to wear everyday. It is just too much! Not that I don't care about my appearance but any kind of decision-making (big or small) is taxing on the nerves. I just have better things to worry about than clothes at this stage. By taking stock of what I have already got, I can pare down decisions. All of my favourite garments are neatly hanged up in front of me and my memory of different outfits put together in the past is all in prints I can refer to anytime, I no longer have to suffer from decision fatigue / mental exhaustion. To be honest, thinking of what to eat or what to wear is stressful. I am already driving myself nuts trying to control my blood glucose level through a new diet so having outfits already created, tried and tested, is indeed liberating and mind-freeing!

Are you concerned about being seen wearing something 2 days in a row? Tell me who on earth put their jeans or sweater or scarf into the wash after wearing it once. Being a person who likes to be prepared 'just in case'? I can  always buy what I really need when the need arises. And to be brutally honest, no one really cares what you wear on a daily basis. What makes you think that you are the centre of the earth when everyone lives in their tiny bubble and have better concerns than looking at you? And even if you get unsolicited comments from others, what they think is none of your business and it is their problem if they don't like it. Remember you are not a paid model walking down runways for the sake of marketing the latest design, you decide on your own personal style which reflects your needs and your lifestyle. 

I personally find that a smaller wardrobe i.e. having fewer choices is better as far as decision-making is concerned and I tend to get my creativity juice running too when options are limited. Enough is enough you know, as long as you have your basic essentials covered and be daring to mix and match, you get so much more than bringing Zara home.

Let me know how you are getting on after trying the above.