Life is just one long hormonal ride!

This is going to be the last blog post before my sabbatical in Iceland. I have been dying to get out of this concrete jungle for some nature and fresh air which I believe will clear my mind and detox my body, coming back in 3 months with a different perspective just like all the other trips I have taken in the past. Meanwhile, I will be working on completing my online Podcasting course and hopefully have my first show ready to launch sometime in October. Writing is still my passion but branching out to voice my messages by another means is just as valid. It is a lot of work especially for newbies like me but I am sure it's something that will pay dividends in the end. And there is only so much a person can do.

So the topic for this post is about seeing midlife on a positive side as opposed to a crisis.  Starting over is never easy, if not more difficult, and this is coming from someone who has been reinventing the wheels many times over. As we get older, we tend to get set on our own ways of living life, ideas and prejudices, judgement and toleration which we are reluctant to change (teaching an old dog new tricks?). I have yet to recognize my faults, admit to having messed up a large part of my life so far. Going away for a break (a long one this is) is absolutely necessary to preserve my sanity. It is one of the many ways of moving on as change is just what I need at this point in time.  I need the solitude and space to get over the injustice, pain, trauma, illnesses, etc...which I have been putting up for the past 3 years. As my business is not quite yet taken off the ground for more reasons than I can count, I guess this is the time to pause and step out of the game to take a breather, to re-examine my purpose and my second act at life. 3 years of staying stagnant is enough to drive anyone depressed.

Welcome to midlife crisis. There are options you might not have thought of before with a midlife makeover. There is no other time like now to become any version of yourself while acknowledging your limitations. I need a safe space and a different environment to redefine the kind of life I want to live and travelling (especially to somewhere so extreme to where I am right now) is my way of challenging myself to new experiences, to open my mind to possibilities. Travelling alone and without much planning is my preferred way to train myself to readily adapt to change as I believe being flexible and resilient are crucial qualities to make life easier, even more so for an entrepreneur. I hate to waste time vegetating so I have stopped throwing time down the drain waiting for others way before I turned 40. 

To keep my creativity flowing, there are a number of things that I practise religiously:

•  crossword puzzles
•  reading(anything that is worthy of my time and attention)
•  writing (it is already part of my life without compromises)
•  trying out different cuisine / new products on the market / etc...
•  learning (I haven't stopped taking courses since my university years!)
•  art / craft- I love scrapbooking, collages, art journaling, paper craft, etc...using mixed media
•  traveling (my upcoming trip to Iceland provides me a valid reason to get outside and be close to the nature without the pollution and crowds and shops at every darn corner)
• getting a hobby (a life saver for us middle-age)

As life expectancy is getting longer with medical breakthroughs and with several decades as a living being ahead of me (unless I have an accident or kill myself), I wish to live more mindfully and craft a more conscious life for myself. By identifying my strengths, my passions and my values, I would be able to define my purpose. I want to wake up every day knowing why I am not dead yet and what I am meant to do, excited for the journey ahead. May I receive an epiphany during my stay in Iceland and come back with incredible stories to tell!

Inner Confidence (part 2)

Welcome to part 2 of the confidence series. As we looked at outer / physical confidence last week, are you showing yours in the way you move and stand? Have you visited your hair stylist yet for that cut long overdued? Are you spending time grooming yourself? Is your skin glowing? Are you taking time to dress nicely and right for the occasion? Are you moving with elegance? How are you holding your head? Are you standing tall and straight?  Are you being at ease with yourself?

Well, it takes a lot more effort and resolve to build inner confidence. You need to know your strengths and weaknesses. You welcome challenges and leave your comfort zone every now and then. You don't compare yourself to others, care about  their opinions and let setbacks get in your way. Inner confidence is the solid belief in your ability, skills and experience which grows out of self-esteem, the feeling of well-being and acceptance of your body and mind. Let go of all that does not serve you and that includes naysayers and those who don't get you! Embrace the unknown! Take concrete actions and get things done with no excuse! Set small do-able goals! Above all, remain true to you, live your life for you and be proud of who you are. Stop overestimating others and underestimating yourself. Be bold and dare to be different. 

I know. There is always someone else, more to learn and the grass does always seem greener on the other side. But none of these matter!

Inner confidence shows through everything. It speaks louder than your appearance. It is reflected by the way you carry yourself and the way you treat others.

Here are a few questions which help determine if you are a confident person or not:

1. Do you hold high standards for who you allow in your life?
2. Do you recognise and acknowledge yourself and your talents as being unique and valuable?
3. Are you self-reliant and strive to learn new things?
4. Do you recognise that you are already whole without your other half?
5. Do you love and care for yourself no matter what? Remember you are the priority!
6. Are you content with your own self-worth without the need to seek validation from others?
7. Do you walk away from a situation or a relationship where you are not valued or appreciated?

Don't worry if the bulk of your responses is NO. By taking concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase your self confidence that lasts. Here are some ways to boost your confidence which work for me:

• Honor your own personality,preferences and passions. When you know who you are, you can see why certain choices appeal to you. When you know who you were made to be, you know what you have to offer. Discover what exactly you want and what makes you happy. Assure yourself that you are enough.
• Know the reason why you are doing what you are doing in the first place. Ditch perfectionism and persevere in what you do with your heart.
• See the bigger picture if in doubt. 
• See yourself as a person on a journey, a work in progress and not as someone trying to measure up.
• See mistakes as exactly what they are, learn from them and move on / forward. Resiliency is the key.
• Drop the phrase: what if
• Add 'but' to negativities (there are 2 sides to the coin!)
• Add a 'yet' to defeating self talk
• Be humble and soak up others' knowledge and experience (and pay it forward when the time comes).
• Be prepared for any challenges which might arise.
• Live your principles, walk your talk.
• Speak slowly and assertively, like a congressman.
• Stop complaining and find a solution.
• Fight and win a bad habit and be proud of your achievement.

And while you are working on it, fake it until you make it with the following suggestions:

• look people straight in the eye and hold their gaze comfortably
• use open hand gestures but keeping it away from your face
• put your arm up as opposed to hugging ourselves
• distribute your weight evenly on both feet

I hope you find this article useful. 

Physical confidence... anyone?

This is probably the second time in years when I missed a blog post. I wasn't in the mood for it as my lips were badly swollen up due to the adverse effect of tapering down steroid and my body chemistry was simply in chaos. Anyway, I have now reluctantly increased the dosage and I can at least eat and chew properly without the burning sensation. So, to make up for last week, I am going to have a 2 part essay for you. The first (which is this post) is about outer confidence and yes, the one in the coming week is all about inner confidence. Hope you enjoy reading them.

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I am 48 and to be honest, I have a difficult time embracing my distorted body and blemished face. It takes me years (and I am still working on it) to accept my ageing appearance in the name of the passage of time and let it be as it is. I have no intention whatsoever to go under the knife, or to wear makeup for coverage. Grooming and looking decent are the keys. Yet I do spend quite a bit on quality skin care products which are necessary for eczema and that's about it. I have a disproportionate huge waist / belly due to the long term intake of steroid (truncal obesity in medical term) and yet nothing can be done to solve the problem as long as I am on medication. I decide to own my space and walk tall and be confident nevertheless. Come to think about it, nothing in the market can ever make us thin enough, pretty enough, and looking young enough.  The idea of 'turning back the clock' is absolutely ridiculous as there is the implication that we are not good enough to start with. No amount of magic potion advertised is going to stop us from ageing, a reality which isn't music to our ears but a harsh fact of life.

That said, we do have a choice as to how we present ourselves to the world. Physical appearance is important to a certain degree (and not completely vanity) as it gives us a level of confidence when we look into the mirror wearing a smile, feeling comfortable in our own skin. I always feel so much better after visiting my hair stylist. I have just purchased an pretty expensive pot of eye cream to reduce the puffiness. I get to decide how I wish to look without anyone's approval. I am trying to make peace with my ageing body and face. I want to live mindfully, and it is best to leave the past and embrace the present, making the best with what I have now.

Women should be confident in who they are without exception. I have always been a vintage junkie because of its uniqueness and timeless style. The vintage style suits me and I feel amazing wearing them. Statement  accessories are my weakness but they do help completing an outfit big time. I must admit It takes quite a bit of courage and confidence to stand away from the fashion crowd. Knowing your colours and body shape are the pre-requisites of appearing confident so dress according to your preference and not the latest trend and fads. Your clothes have the ability to raise your energy or make you look washed out. What we wear day in and day out affects how we feel and look, how we relate to others and what we attract into our lives (the psychology of colours!). 

No wedges for me thank you. I am more inclined to wear flatform or chunky heels which give me a confident stride.Tripping over a pair of stilettos wouldn't quite make the cut, would it?

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Part 2 is due to release next wed 8/23.

Graceful Ageing

Ageing and death are processes that begin on the day we are born, and for some people, it seems that we are just waiting for the inevitable to knock on our doors, not quite prepared for the last breath. Yes, it is not particularly enlightening when you look back to what you used to look like, your physicality and appearance, the accomplishments and the prime days when the world was rosy pink; and that is, compared to now. However, why the reminiscence but to accept the harsh reality of life and get older gracefully, to live better for god knows how long we have left instead?

Of all the recommendations from health professionals with regard to healthy ageing, I can't stress more about finding a new purpose in the second phase of your life i.e. post retirement or post 40 for that matter. It could simply be a pursuit of a passion or starting your own business. I am a life-long learner as I just thrive on learning new things and skills since my university days and my money goes to enrolling courses if not for travelling. Getting your beauty sleep of 7-9 hours is so so important for us should you believe the old sayings that older people require less sleep. 

I am 48 and I have no intention of hiding my age or turning the clock backwards with the latest technology for age reversal. I try not to compare myself of today with the person I used to look like. Accepting myself as the older version gives me confidence. I want to look and feel my best at the age I currently am. The past is history shelved in the attic and now I am free to be me at my best without the need to fit in or anyone's approval. I colour my hair, cut it real short (and about to shave it bald), planning to get my second tattoo,  not to look younger but to look my best with my complexion and style messaging. It is all the more crucial to develop a standout style to stay visible. What you wear and makeup tips and tricks certainly make an enormous difference!

In general the topic of death is a taboo as we fear death to the point of ignoring the signs of ageing. Wrinkles or not, death is part of the package we receive on our birthday and wrinkles do not mean death as young ones die pre-maturely these days. While you are still a breathing human being, you might as well embrace ageing gracefully and be beautiful!