Clouds of Sils Maria

The ageing cycle begins the second we draw our first breath out of the mother's womb. The promise of ageing, illness and death is already set in motion whether we like it or not. We grow, change, and evolve constantly without paying much attention to the process and in the blink of an eye, decades flew by and we no longer enjoy looking into the mirror, seeing a stranger looming in the reflection who is no longer attractive and pretty, at least nothing like what we remember the way we were in our prime years.

I watched the DVD 'Clouds of Sils Maria' the other day and I couldn't help but resonated with the protagonist Maria Enders played by Juliette Binoche. Asked to play a role in a play which brought her fame 20 years ago, only in a character as a much older woman, Maria came to face head on her gremlin, an unsettling reflection of herself as the boss who ended up killing herself in the play. I can see myself as Maria, reluctant to accept the harsh reality of life, a torment which is only too much to bear especially when a much younger actress was chosen to play her old role as the alluring young girl in juxtaposition.

Why is it so heartbreaking to accept ageing which is part of the natural landscape of life? People have been trying to 'preserve' themselves with botox and plastic surgery, fighting against the onslaught of this ugly predicament so called ageing. The beauty industry has never been more prolific when million of dollars are raked from those who refuse to look 'less than', believing that there is indeed a secret to the fountain of youth if they are willing to pay. It has taken me years to make peace with my ageing mind and body. And that is totally liberating!

Fighting against ageing is just futile. Get real. Time is marching forward regardless. We don't think the same way we did 20 years ago as we are now much wiser and know better. The machine which we called our bodies are wearing out at different pace and no amount of exercise or quality food is going to reverse or stop that process of declining. Yet it is not true that life goes out at 40 or 50 and beyond, as long as you make adjustments and make new choices. Instead of showing off everything only being youthful can offer, I can now look at myself in the unforgiving mirror and be proud of myself for who I am,  expressing my values, personality and point of view without a care. It is a presence larger than life and it is ageless. 

There is no point picking on ourselves, digging up old wounds and comparing ourselves to false ideals (which are never true in the first place). My suggestion is to honor yourself for becoming the woman you are at this point in time. This is probably the best age-defying mechanism you can get (and for free too). 

You are what you wear: Christina Dean at TEDxHKBU

Are you suffering from Decision Fatigue?

I was going through my wardrobe the other day trying to squeeze a slot for my new purchase when I decided to take a good look at what is lurking in there and to remind myself what not to buy in the near future. I don't like repeats and I always regret bringing home something I thought doesn't exist in my tiny universe but end up coming to terms with something similar hanging in there with the price tag intact. Could this be the beginning of Alzheimer? Anyway, I sort them into 2 piles: the casual and the going out piles. Then for each pile, I make a note of the colours and types of clothings I have and find out what colours of my seasons are missing in black and white. I suggest everyone with a wardrobe take inventory every 3 months to avoid impulse purchases or duplications.

As you would have known if you follow my posts, I am diagnosed with diabetes which means a large part of my days are spent on meal planning, portion control, counting carbs and of course shopping at supermarkets. I understand I have limited energy so I'd rather invest my brain cells on creating and adapting to my new diet and lifestyle than trying to work out what to wear everyday. It is just too much! Not that I don't care about my appearance but any kind of decision-making (big or small) is taxing on the nerves. I just have better things to worry about than clothes at this stage. By taking stock of what I have already got, I can pare down decisions. All of my favourite garments are neatly hanged up in front of me and my memory of different outfits put together in the past is all in prints I can refer to anytime, I no longer have to suffer from decision fatigue / mental exhaustion. To be honest, thinking of what to eat or what to wear is stressful. I am already driving myself nuts trying to control my blood glucose level through a new diet so having outfits already created, tried and tested, is indeed liberating and mind-freeing!

Are you concerned about being seen wearing something 2 days in a row? Tell me who on earth put their jeans or sweater or scarf into the wash after wearing it once. Being a person who likes to be prepared 'just in case'? I can  always buy what I really need when the need arises. And to be brutally honest, no one really cares what you wear on a daily basis. What makes you think that you are the centre of the earth when everyone lives in their tiny bubble and have better concerns than looking at you? And even if you get unsolicited comments from others, what they think is none of your business and it is their problem if they don't like it. Remember you are not a paid model walking down runways for the sake of marketing the latest design, you decide on your own personal style which reflects your needs and your lifestyle. 

I personally find that a smaller wardrobe i.e. having fewer choices is better as far as decision-making is concerned and I tend to get my creativity juice running too when options are limited. Enough is enough you know, as long as you have your basic essentials covered and be daring to mix and match, you get so much more than bringing Zara home.

Let me know how you are getting on after trying the above.

The link between cooking and vanity shopping

Following up on my last post, I am happy to say that my sugar level is under control and I am taking fewer insulin shots compared to the very beginning. 

Yes, my diet has changed 360 degree...which means multiple meals with small portions, no dessert of any kind, everything I put into my mouth is either whole wheat or multigrain, checking the food labels before chucking them into my trolley, no dining out which means cooking for myself, which is probably the toughest part as I hardly spend longer than 10 minutes in the kitchen before only 6 weeks ago.

So food, meal planning and eating at regular hours, not to mention the cooking part take up most of my time and energy. I can spend hours reading up on diabetes, checking out quick and easy recipes which don't require too much preparation or ingredients, and frequenting the supermarket multiple times a week as the kind of food that I am now buying have a short period of shelf / fridge life (no more processed / ready cooked meals on the go). On top of that, there is only me and cooking for one person isn't the easiest thing to master! 

Cooking isn't at all fun for the undomesticated but it has gotten me to think differently about food and its impact on myself and the world at large. I am more intentional about where the food comes from, the process involved in cooking and the mileage it takes to ship them. I eat what I cook and considering what effort I am putting into the preparation and the actual cooking, without the salt and sugar and fat, I am eating a much healthier diet which cannot be bought at fast food corporations. 

Meanwhile, I am eating less (per meal) as a portion control and for the fact that the dishes I come up with taste a bit bland and lack of variety. What do I expect from following the recipe to the T when I have problem figuring out the different buttons on the stove! It is going to take a while before my taste buds acclimatize to food 'sans' condiment. I am sure I will get better at it with practice. I might have to take some cooking lessons before I am confident enough to invite my friends over. It is a lot of work to be honest but having more control over what I am eating is worthy of it. 

And if you have read this far, thank you for being so patient with me as I am about to explain how this is related to fashion. 

There is always some kind o sales going on at different outlets throughout the year and to me, should you allow excessive consumerism to take the lead, you would be dished out garments with a reduction price tag which you believe to be a bargain not to be missed. Similar to living on processed food, you are stuffing up yourself with 'unwanted' items to fill the little gap there is in your cluttered wardrobe. 
By knowing your best colours and style, together with your personality and preference, you get to decide what to buy and what not; which is not so different from cooking at home using only the fresh ingredients and controlling the flavour to match your needs. With a shopping plan at hand, you are in charge of the game and saying no to what you don't need is indeed empowering. Why would you succumb to restaurant food with loads of MSGs when you can make something wholesome and tailored to your senses?

I didn't know any better before my diagnosis and it's just too late to reverse the ailment. Knowing about yourself in terms of colour, style, body shape, the status of your wardrobe and the triggers to your impulsive shopping trips guarantee a large amount of savings, a more workable closet, and more time spending on doing what you really love to be doing. Sounds good doesn't it?

Diabetes has turned my life upside-down...

To be honest, I would never admit being a 'superwoman' even though there seem to be a lot which I have accomplished so far up to this point of my life. Take a quick scan of my CV and you know what I mean. It is just my personality doing the magic; the fact that I am extremely result-oriented, a go-getter, and the fact that my interests have gone amok over the span of the last 20 odd years and creating / producing something is necessary to justify my diversity of interests and hobbies.

Turning 46 wasn't the end of the world until I got diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes last week. The symptoms which I have been experiencing associated with the ailment, not to mention the costs to see an endocrinologist and a dietitian, as well as the insulin shots and oral med, have all turned my otherwise productive days into an absolute nightmare. For someone who doesn't enjoy spending time in the kitchen, I am now racking my brain to come up with a weekly menu to control the glucose and blood pressure. And I am only 46.

Well, I just have to accept that my body is letting me down. I have to accept that I have aged; and along with it there are unprecedented problems and concerns only associated to geriatrics in the past. My cousin died of cancer a few years back and she was my age. Life can be snuffed into non-existence without reasons. The machine is rusting and it is just a matter of time when it stops functioning altogether.I will survive unless I don't. I like to think of my body, the flesh, a vessel through which to move through this so called life. It is a tool not dissimilar to a saw and screwdrivers, a hammer and nuts and bolts, and therefore I don't spend too much time worrying about it. I am not my body!

The diagnosis is hard to swallow and the severe headache from a sudden change of body chemistry is not helping either. Going on a new diet and therefore a new lifestyle isn't easy and so too, is being an individual of fashion. If you get stressed out to have a sense of style, don't do it. Being diabetic has made me stop and realise that I have my limits. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and carry on 'living'; whichever the word means.

Senior Fashionistas

Are you familiar with these senior fashionistas such as Daphne Selfe, Baroness Trumpington, Bridget Sojourner, Sue Kreitzman, and the icons Iris Apfel, Helen Mirren and Judi Dench?  There are so many more in the real world awaiting to be acknowledged and found, if not by Ari Seth Cohen, who brought us a new TV documentary about being fashion-forward and life-affirming. 

I could never imagined myself as 'old' in my prime years when the world was my oyster. Unfortunately the ageing process spares no-one and it could be quite unforgiving to a certain extent. Health concerns, financial restraints. becoming dependent on others (or even a burden) are only a few of the nightmares which only to be triggered by a cold or a nasty fall. It certainly takes a lot of guts and courage to join the party and become a senior with dignity. There is no such thing as security and it is all so easy to give up as we lose our confidence in our body. Our body no longer functions as well, not dissimilar to a machine turned rusty. I am 46, considered to be 'young' among the seniors, but already feeling the challenges which are depressing, a beacon to evaluate my core values and beliefs. I am not a particularly reflective person but after all I have reached a point when I am forced to pause, take a deeper look at who I am and who I will be in my final years. The notion of death doesn't worry me as it will take care of itself.

The senior fashionistas show us that the ageing process doesn't have to be grim. I have been reading about some of them in blogs and news clippings, and there are a few things which I agree with. It is important to know yourself and find your style. I can still look chic without a body of a 20 year-old. I like to stand out so wearing colour is a must. I have never been a slave to trends but stay true to what I believe look good on me. I invest a lot on my bags and shoes, avoiding heels at all costs. I am constantly learning, which suits my scanner personality to the T. I am always working and retirement is not in my dictionary. I am still taking risks but more calculated these days. I like to be bold in the way I dress and the way I live. There is no reason to play small. Ideally I want to age gracefully without the botox and any surgery. Death is looming but I understand there is no point of thinking about it as it can happen so suddenly. 

Of course there are some of the things which I can't seem to care enough in the process of ageing. I have yet to find a role model whom I can adopt. I still haven't learnt the art of sewing and dress-making (or alteration for that matter) which is important for anyone into fashion. I must admit I find the young people rather annoying instead of inspiring, which is probably jealousy playing up on my psyche. I have no motivation to exercise or watching my diet at this point. I need to be more curious before I give up on life in its entirety. I can't say I love life but I do exist; as my old soul is telling me that nothing excites me anymore. It is hard not to think of my age when all I can see are families and friends ageing before my eyes. I can't lie to myself and pretend everything is pretty, can I?

To be frank, I have never been interested in fashion and I only flip through fashion magazines at the GP's office. My decision to be a Personal Stylist has changed everything and at midlife, my personal style has evolved with age. My skills and knowledge from the training certainly help but it has open my eyes to the fashion world with a new perspective never known to me before. Fashion is so much harder on women as they age as opposed to men but being a Personal Stylist, I can help older women to be visible again, if not head turning. I have been getting compliments lately about how I am looking younger everyday, thanks to my training, I know who I am and what suits me. I might be one of them who age into my beauty! 

As a Personal Stylist, I want to help older women to style themselves and not give up. I want them to feel good in their own skin. I want my clients to go through their days with determination and new found enthusiasm. It is important to engage the world with their aesthetics, wit, and honesty, be bold about it and refuse to apologize. I want to see the confidence seeping out of their pores in every way they present themselves. Like Apfel who refuses to be ignored and bullied out of fashion, I think it is mandatory to use our time to define ourselves, to maintain our sense of style, and to express our personality through our uniqueness. I too would like to be one of the senior citizens who look and feel good about themselves everyday, who actively participate in society and who is timeless. 

I would highly recommend the book 'Fashion and age' for those who are interested in diving a bit deeper in this subject. 

What are your thoughts on ageing and fashion?

How does age influence your choice of garments?

Why do you think women tone down their style as they age?

Share your opinions!

Social Madness

Summer has arrived much earlier than expected and here I am, sweating like a pig in Hong Kong, trying to get my name out for my small business as a Personal Stylist. I was a social butterfly 2 decades back but I become more withdrawn and introverted as I get older. I only possess my first android phone (it's actually a tab as I need a bigger screen to see clearly) in Nov last year and social media is definitely not my thing before then. I do agree that technological advancement has its perks and they are air out of water for many, I personally don't rely on it much unless it is work related.

For the past few months, I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone trying my hands on using different social media platforms for marketing my business www.style-proud.com, a consultancy business where I offer colour analysis, style consultation, wardrobe management and personal shopping to women who wish to be beautiful everyday. Having a very limited budget and without a network of friends, I must resort to using Facebook and Twitter (minimum) to gain exposure in the virtual world. I have also used about.me, vertical response for email marketing, and considering other ways of selling both my products and services. Gosh, that is a lot of work involved in front of my screen and to make the process even more off-putting, there is an incessant amount of email coming into my inbox raving about the new / latest applications which they are convincing me to have, and that is overwhelming for someone like me who prefers a better use of time than installing apps and gadgets.

Meanwhile, I have been contacting potential businesses to work in collaboration, going to a lot of bazaars and fairs to network, and contemplating about joining some organizations for an annual fee to widen my social circle. I also have a few appointments in the coming weeks lined up for a tour of work spaces at a reasonable monthly fee. Who says it's easy to start-up? Hence, before I get to the stage of burning out, I must take a long hard look at the way I work on my business, participating in events of priorities, cut out the social situations which require me to spend money and unworthy of my effort of travelling in the scorching heat.

I know deep in my heart that partnering up with people of similar interests and values is paramount to my success. My target clients are those who sincerely want to build up their confidence through the way they dress everyday, who are willing to pay to get themselves organised, and to feel good in their own skin by acknowledging themselves as beautiful. I am constantly upgrading myself with knowledge in my field from 'experts' on a daily basis as there is so much that I don't know the more I delve in the subject of fashion / style which is my passion for the time being. Hence I am taking e-courses and reading power blogs to becoming better at what I do everyday. Yes, it takes a lot of curiosity, self-motivation and self-discipline but when you are working on something you love, it is not even an issue to worry about. Do I miss teaching? No and it is actually one of the reasons I decided to pursue my new career path of an Image Consultant. My 12 years of teaching has taken a toll on me and changing life direction seems to be right thing to do if I follow my heart.